A Beautiful Friendship
by Helena L
Summary: A 2part story beginning about 14 years before the events depicted in KotOR. Bastila has known a certain person a lot longer than we thought... Please R&R!
1. Part 1

**Part 1  
**  
"One more time, Bastila."  
  
The little girl scowled. In a sing-song voice she began to recite: "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is –"  
  
"Stop." Master Hestra held up a hand. "I can see you know the words, Bastila, but simply knowing them isn't enough. You need to understand the Code, not just be able to recite it." She looked into the small, angry face and sighed. "Do you actually have any idea what it means?"  
  
Bastila's scowl deepened. "Yes. It means we're not allowed to have feelings."  
  
"No, that is _not_ what the Code means." Hestra was beginning to feel very tired. "Everyone has feelings – what's important is being able to control them and not let them get the better of you. That's what the words of the Code mean." The small girl folded her arms in front of her and stared intently at the floor. "I know it's not easy, Bastila, but you're nearly ten now, you're old enough to understand this. You're certainly too old to be getting into silly fights with the other children –"  
  
Bastila started and looked up. "But Master, Velda _started_ it!" she cried out passionately. "She said that I come from a stupid backwater planet and I'll never be able to use the Force properly and I should go and train with the two-year-olds. And then I hit her and she hit me back..." Her voice trailed off as her eyes began to fill with tears.  
  
"I know that, Bastila, and she'll be punished as well. But whatever she said to you, it was no excuse for slapping her. How can we teach you to control the Force when you can't even control yourself?" Hestra gently laid a hand on the girl's shoulder. "This isn't the first time you've quarrelled with Velda, is it?"  
  
Bastila lowered her eyes to the ground again. Hestra heaved another sigh and ran her hand irritably through her greying hair; this was getting nowhere. "I think you'd better stay in your room until you've calmed down. And if Velda says something nasty to you again, come and tell me about it instead of starting a fight. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes, Master Hestra," Bastila murmured in her meekest voice. But as Hestra turned to leave the room, she pulled a hideous face at the woman's back.  
  
"And don't make faces at me, child." The door swung shut behind her.  
  
Bastila waited until her master's footsteps retreated into the distance, then picked up one of her boots and hurled it at the wall with as much force as she could muster. It made a satisfying thud. Angrily she picked it up and threw it again, even harder this time. It wasn't _fair_! Why were they all so mean to her? She'd thought it would be fun to learn to use the Force, but it was all rules and Codes and meditation, and they wouldn't teach her anything interesting until she'd 'learned to control her emotions better'. She'd never be as good as the others, not if she stayed here a million years...  
  
A sudden wave of homesickness overwhelmed her, and she sank down onto her bed. If only her father were here... He would understand about Velda, he'd go and shout at her for calling his daughter names, like he once shouted at that boy who'd pulled her hair in the school playground... Suddenly the idea came to her: she would go back and see him! She'd run away from the enclave and get on a ship back to Talravin. He'd come and pick her up, and she would tell him how much she hated the Academy, and surely he wouldn't make her go back? Maybe then they'd be sorry for treating her so badly...  
  
Quickly she gathered together a few of her things and stuffed them into her bag. Not her suitcase; it was too heavy, and someone might suspect if they saw her carrying that. They could send the rest of her stuff to her later. Opening her door cautiously, she glanced about her to check that no one was around; then she quietly closed the door behind her and crept down the corridor, feeling like a criminal. Once she felt that she'd gone a sufficient distance, she broke into a run.  
  
If Bastila had been thinking rationally, it might have occurred to her that she was all the more likely to draw attention to herself by running. But all she could think of was her 'escape' from the enclave. Down the stairs, up this corridor, round the corner... And then disaster struck; as she hurtled round a corner, she collided head-on with someone going the other way.  
  
"Oof," said a male voice. She looked up into the startled face of a boy about five or six years older than her; he had a Padawan braid in his hair and a lightsaber clipped to his belt. Normally she would hardly have dared to speak to any of the older Padawans, but at the moment she was in such a bad mood that she didn't even care. "Get out of my way!" she snarled, pushing past him and running off down the corridor.  
  
She got only a few steps further before something lifted her off her feet and spun her round. Suspended several feet in the air, she found herself staring at the boy she had so rudely shoved aside; one of his right hands was raised slightly, holding her up in the air, and he was grinning. "Put me down!" she shouted angrily, struggling to free herself from the Force grip.  
  
To her intense annoyance, the boy only laughed. "I'll put you down when you find some manners, little girl!" He moved his fingers slightly and she began to slowly rotate around, as if caught in a small whirlwind. Utterly furious now, she struggled even harder: "_Put me down, you mean, horrible boy_!" She spun faster. Now tears were beginning to roll down her cheeks, and she let out a sob of frustration. Suddenly she felt herself gently lowered to the ground, and the Force released her; slightly dizzy, she stumbled and collapsed in a sobbing heap.  
  
The boy ran over to her, no longer laughing. "Hey, calm down. Calm down. I didn't mean to make you cry." He put out a hand to help her to her feet. "Are you OK?" She nodded, still sniffling, and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. "What's your name, kid?"  
  
"Bastila. Bastila Shan."  
  
"Nice to meet you. I'm Revan." The boy smiled at her. He had a nice smile, and his eyes were warm and friendly; suddenly she began to feel somewhat ashamed of her earlier behaviour. "So where are you off to in such a hurry, Bastila?"  
  
She sniffed and looked up at him defiantly. "I'm running away. Back home."  
  
He looked amused. "And just how do you plan to do that?"  
  
"I'm going to find a ship that's going back to Talravin..."  
  
"Talravin? Bastila, that's the other side of the galaxy from here. Do you even have any money?"  
  
She hadn't thought about that. "Well, I'll... hide on board. In the cargo hold. I'll be a stowaway..." Revan was clearly struggling not to laugh. She began to feel embarrassed as she realised how ridiculous her idea had been. "Well, then, maybe I'll ask if I can be sent back. They _said_ I could go if I was really unhappy..."  
  
His face grew more serious. "Are you really so unhappy?" She nodded. "What about?"  
  
She stared at him. "Why would you care?"  
  
"Well, it must be something pretty bad if you're seriously thinking of running away." He took her hand in his and led her over to the stairs, where he sat down on one of the steps. "Come on, you can tell me."  
  
"I... well, alright..." And for some reason, she suddenly found herself pouring her heart out to him. How she hadn't wanted to come here in the first place, but her mother had persuaded her father that it would be a good idea, and she had finally agreed just to please him. How she'd arrived at the Academy - over half a year ago now - only to find that becoming a Jedi was far more difficult than she'd expected, and the masters called her 'spoilt' and constantly lectured her about self-control, and the other children teased her because she was so far behind them. And of course, how badly she missed her father... Tears began to well up in her eyes again as she thought of him, and she struggled to speak.  
  
Revan had listened quietly the whole time, occasionally nodding or saying "I see". As her voice trailed off, he put an arm around her shoulders, and they sat for a while in silence. Finally he spoke: "Do you really want to leave the Jedi, Bastila?"  
  
"I... I don't know. I don't really care that much about being a Jedi. I just want to go home and see Father again..."  
  
"You wouldn't be able to come back, you know." His voice was serious. "Do you think your father would be happy if you left?"  
  
Bastila gulped. She hadn't thought about that. Her mother would be angry with her, she knew, but that didn't matter so much. But her father... She remembered how proud he had looked as he'd said goodbye to her at the gates of the enclave, and how he'd smiled, even though there had been tears in his eyes. Suddenly she could picture his face as he arrived to collect her – pleased to see her, of course, but his eyes filled with disappointment and shame. His daughter hadn't been good enough for the Jedi...  
  
"No. No, I don't think it would make him happy," she whispered, twisting her hands in front of her. Revan said nothing. "But even if I stayed, what good would it do? I'll never catch up with the others, they've all been here since they were little. I'll never be as good as them..."  
  
"No, you won't." Her heart sank down into the floor and then suddenly leapt again as he continued, "You'll be better than them. You're very strong in the Force, I can tell you that."  
  
"Really?" For a moment she was so surprised that she forgot to be miserable. "But how can I get better when Master Hestra won't teach me anything?"  
  
"I'm sure she will teach you more soon, but she's right about one thing – you have to learn to control yourself better. That's part of being a Jedi. What if you got angry with someone and used the Force to hurt them?"  
  
She looked indignant. "I wouldn't do that!"  
  
"You might do it without meaning to. It's all too easy, I'm afraid." He sighed. "That's how people start to fall to the Dark Side..."  
  
Bastila nodded reluctantly; it wasn't the first time she'd been warned about the Dark Side. "I suppose you're right." Suddenly a thought struck her. "Revan, could you teach me how to do what you did?"  
  
"You mean the Force whirlwind?" She nodded, and he frowned. "I don't know about that, Bastila. I mean, I'm still a Padawan myself – I'm not supposed to train anyone else. If any of the Masters found out –"  
  
"I won't tell anyone," she wheedled. "_Pleeeeease_?" She gazed up at him, her blue eyes wide and beseeching. It was a trick that had never failed to work on her father, and Revan was by no means immune to its effects.  
  
"Oh, all right then," he sighed. He looked around nervously, checking that no one could hear them, then spoke in a low voice. "I'll teach you how to do it. But you mustn't use it on any of your friends." She nodded happily. "And you have to promise me you won't get into any more fights, OK?"  
  
She smiled at him. "I promise."  
  
And that was how Revan began to teach Bastila to use the Force. He was a good teacher, and she could learn very quickly when she put her mind to it; soon she was making great strides forward, although she had to conceal how much she had learned from her Master. Revan grew quite fond of her, and after a while he began to help her with her studies as well, attempting to explain the things she found difficult to understand. For her part, she believed he knew everything, and he could do no wrong in her eyes. His friends got used to seeing her trot around after him, and eventually they even stopped teasing him about his 'girlfriend'.  
  
Bastila's mood improved greatly as well. She was a lot happier, and as she began to catch up with the others in her studies, they no longer teased her so much. Remembering her promise to Revan, she made an effort to control herself and rarely got into arguments, even with Velda. The Masters were baffled by the dramatic change in her attitude; once she overheard one of them asking Hestra, "What has happened to that child?"  
  
One afternoon Bastila had finished her lessons and was taking a walk through the fields surrounding the enclave. She was just thinking about turning back when she heard voices in the distance: a faint cheer, and then the sound of clapping. Curious, she made her way in the direction of the sound. As she rounded the side of a cliff, she saw a large group of young Jedi sitting in the clearing ahead; beyond them were two sparring figures, their lightsabers hissing as they clashed together. A duel!  
  
One of the watching Jedi spotted her as she approached. "Oh look, it's Revan's Padawan!" A few of the others looked round and smiled; she vaguely recognised one of them as Malak, Revan's best friend. "Come to see the fight, have you?"  
  
Now she was close enough to see that one of the duellists was Revan; the other was another Padawan, a few years older. Their duel seemed more graceful than fierce, like the ones she had occasionally witnessed in the training rooms at the Academy, but both their faces bore an expression of grim determination. "What's happening?" she asked curiously, sitting down on the grass beside the others.  
  
"That's Guun Han Saresh fighting Revan," explained a female Padawan. "They got into an argument about something or other, and Revan won. Well, Guun Han hates being proved wrong, especially by someone three years younger than him – so he says, 'Well, let's see if you know as much about lightsaber combat as you do about the Force.' And of course Revan had to take him up on it..."  
  
"Typical Revan," Malak muttered under his breath.  
  
"Typical _man_," said the girl, rolling her eyes.  
  
Malak saw Bastila's look of concern. "Oh, don't worry, they're not trying to hurt each other. I'm afraid Revan's not going to win, though."  
  
"Yeah, it's too bad," said one of the others. "I'd like to see Saresh taken down a peg or two – he's got a head the size of a rancor egg."  
  
Bastila turned her attention towards the duel, and soon realised that Malak was right. Of the two combatants, Revan was by far the stronger in the Force, but the other boy was older and he'd had more training – besides, she could see by the colour of his lightsaber that he was a Guardian, whereas Revan was a Sentinel. Revan was fighting well, using his skill in the Force to make up for his lack of experience in lightsaber combat, but she could sense that he was tiring. Sooner or later he would make a fatal mistake.  
  
The little girl felt her heart sink as she watched Guun Han gradually force his opponent back towards the cliff face. Revan was better really, he deserved to win – it wasn't fair. If only she could help him somehow... Suddenly an idea came to her: maybe she could use the Force to help him? She wasn't sure if it was even possible, but it was worth a try.  
  
She closed her eyes, as if she were meditating, and tried to sense Revan's presence through the Force. It wasn't difficult; she could feel it swirl and ripple around him like a whirlpool. Now, if she could channel the energy of the Force through her and towards him... Nothing. She concentrated harder, attempting to block out all external stimulations, driving all other thoughts out of her mind.  
  
All of a sudden, a murmur ran through the assembled crowd: Revan, who had appeared to be close to losing the fight, was suddenly fighting back with renewed energy and vigour. Guun Han, who had expected an easy win, was caught off guard. He stumbled backwards, trying to fend off the unexpected rain of blows from Revan's lightsaber, attempting to regain his advantage – but to no avail.  
  
Bastila poured every last ounce of energy into her meditation. A chorus of gasps went up from the watching Jedi as Revan leapt into the air, somersaulted over Guun Han's head and landed on the other side of him, all within a fraction of a second. Momentarily stunned, Guun Han realised what had happened and whirled round in an attempt to block Revan's attack – but he was too late. The force of Revan's strike knocked his saber from his hand and sent him staggering backwards. Gasping for breath, he fell onto the grass.  
  
The huge roar of applause brought Bastila back to her senses. She opened her eyes and looked up to see Revan standing over his opponent, breathing heavily, the tip of his lightsaber hovering above Guun Han's chest. After a moment he de-ignited his saber and stood back. Guun Han sat up and got slowly to his feet. He looked confused and mortified, but he had too much honour to refuse to acknowledge Revan's victory. "Well done," he said shakily, still struggling for breath. "Well done. I didn't expect you to fight as well as that... I suppose I shouldn't have underestimated you." He held out a hand, which Revan grasped and shook silently; he looked, if it was possible, even more stunned than Guun Han. Then the two of them turned and walked back towards their respective groups of friends.  
  
Revan did not get far before he was mobbed by a crowd of admirers, laughing and congratulating him on his win. Bastila remained where she was, feeling exhausted and drained of energy, but happy. She'd done it! She waited until the crowd finally dispersed and began to drift off back to the enclave, then got to her feet and walked over to where Revan stood in conversation with Malak. "Well done, Revan."  
  
"Oh, hello Bastila," he said absent-mindedly. "Thanks." Then he turned back to Malak. "I'm telling you, Malak, it wasn't an act. I was so tired, I was close to giving up... then suddenly I felt this huge surge of energy. Just out of nowhere..." He sounded bewildered, almost worried.  
  
Malak stared at his friend. "You're serious?" Revan nodded. "Do you think someone was... trying to influence the fight somehow? Using the Force?"  
  
"Who is there here who knows how to do that?" Revan shook his head. "Even I don't know how to do that. No, I don't understand..." Their voices grew fainter as they walked off.  
  
Bastila followed a little way behind, sensing vaguely that she'd done something wrong, though she wasn't sure why. She'd thought Revan would be pleased, but he didn't seem all that happy, even though he'd won the fight. She wondered if she ought to tell him... no, perhaps it would be better not to. For some reason she had a feeling that he'd be angry with her...  
  
After that, Bastila did not try anything similar again. It would be best, she decided, to try and forget about what had happened. She didn't mention the fight to Revan again, and she never told anyone else what she had done that day.


	2. Part 2

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed for their comments. I may write a similar story for another character if I continue to get good reviews.

* * *

**Part 2**

As the months went by, Bastila began to see less of Revan. He was absorbed in his own studies, and as her knowledge of the Force improved, she found herself needing his help less often. Nevertheless, he still took an interest in her, enquiring after her whenever they met. "I hope you haven't tried to run away lately, Bastila?" he would tease her, and these days she was able to laugh at the memory of her silly behaviour. It seemed like an age ago, now...

When Revan turned 18 his Master, Zhar Lestin, applied to the High Council for permission to enter his pupil in the trials for Knighthood. "There's nothing more I can teach him," he told the Council. "He's extremely mature for his age and years ahead of most of the others in his studies. What he needs now is more experience." His request was eventually granted, and although Revan was one of the youngest Padawans ever to undergo the trials, few were surprised when he passed with flying colours.

Malak, only a year older, soon followed his friend through the trials. Bastila attended the ceremony where the two were officially granted the rank of Jedi Knight, thinking how noble Revan looked as he knelt there in his ceremonial robes, and felt a surge of pride to think that she was his friend. The effect was only slightly spoiled when, as he talked and laughed with his friends after the ceremony, she heard him joke, "Well, at least now I can get a decent haircut!"

Not long afterwards, Revan and Malak left the Academy. It was decided that they were too young to take on their own apprentices, and that they should first spend a few years assisting some of the other Jedi in their work around the galaxy. Bastila missed her mentor badly at first, but at length she became reconciled to no longer having him around. She had other friends, and as time went on, many other matters to think about.

**........**

It was to be over three years before she saw Revan again. Hearing about him was a different matter; he and Malak were quickly making a name for themselves, and tales of their exploits soon began to spread throughout the Order. Once, Bastila was eating in the dining hall when the word 'Revan' caught her ear above the buzz of conversation; she looked up to see a group of Masters sitting at a nearby table, deep in animated discussion.

"...apparently he practically took over the whole operation," Hestra was saying. "Master Orine seemed very impressed." She smiled at Revan's former Master. "You must be very proud of him, Zhar."

He shrugged modestly. "It would have been hard to fail with Revan. Getting him to learn wasn't the problem, it was getting him to stop. The number of times he came to me with questions I could hardly answer myself..." The others laughed sympathetically; many of them had had similar experiences with the young Padawan.

"Well, he certainly seems to be a natural leader," remarked Quatra, one of the younger Masters.

"Oh, he's that all right." The gravelly voice belonged to Vrook Lamar, a well-respected but somewhat humourless man of middle age, and one of the few Masters who had never really got on with Revan. "He's going to be trouble, that one. You mark my words..."

**........**

It was a warm summer day a few months before Bastila's sixteenth birthday, and she had just finished a long combat training session with Hestra. As she left the training room, she saw Velda and a few other girls standing in the corridor, whispering excitedly amongst themselves. "What's going on?" she asked, approaching them.

"Why don't you go and find out for yourself?" Velda waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the courtyard.

Bastila hastened off, wondering what it was they were making such a big secret of. As she hurried down the corridor, she barely noticed the young man walking the other way until he suddenly stopped in front of her. "Bastila? Bastila Shan?"

She looked up in surprise and delight at the familiar voice. "Revan!" Her first instinct was to rush up and hug him, but then she realised that such behaviour would hardly be appropriate at her age. Instead, she stopped where she was and dropped a hasty bow.

Revan strode forward and caught her arm, pulling her up. "Hey, don't start bowing to me, for Force's sake! I'm not a Master yet." He released her arm, stood back and looked at her for a moment. "Well, you've certainly changed. I hardly recognised you."

She blushed and lowered her eyes, suddenly feeling very shy. She'd forgotten how handsome he was; or was it just that she had never noticed before? "Why have you come back to Dantooine?" she asked, trying to cover her embarrassment.

"For a rest." For a moment she thought he looked a little uncomfortable; then he abruptly changed the subject. "So, how are your studies going? Have you chosen where you want to specialise yet?"

She nodded. "Yes. I'm going to be a Sentinel." She drew her lightsaber so that she could show him the yellow blade she had so carefully constructed.

"Good choice," he grinned, and suddenly it felt just like the old days.

They walked together through the valley close to the ancient ruins, enjoying the warmth of the early evening sun. For some reason Revan seemed disinclined to speak, and they proceeded largely in silence, listening to the cries of the birds wheeling overhead. Finally, as they reached the banks of the river, he stopped and looked around him, breathing in deeply. "Dantooine," he murmured. "It's good to be back here. I've missed this place..."

Bastila found she could no longer resist the urge to question him. "What have you been doing while you were away?"

"Oh, lots of things," he said vaguely. "First I worked with some of the regional governments in the Outer Rim, trying to close down the slave-trading routes used by the Exchange. Then I helped set up some camps processing refugees from systems that had been attacked by the Mandalorians. Trying to get enough supplies to feed them, and find other planets that would take them..."

He sighed, and fell silent again. Bastila felt a slight tremor in the Force, and looked over at him with concern. Although the connection that had formed between them as she trained with him had weakened over the years, she could clearly sense that he was unhappy about something. "Revan, is there something wrong?"

He didn't answer for a moment. Then he sat down in the long grass by the riverbank, leaning against a rock, and motioned her to sit beside him. Finally he spoke quietly: "You asked why I came to Dantooine?" She nodded. "Well, if you really want to know, it's because I wanted to avoid the High Council. I'm not on very good terms with them at the moment, Bastila."

She was puzzled. "Why? I heard that they were very pleased with your work."

"It's not that that's the problem. It's just that we have some... differences of opinion, shall we say. About the worlds being attacked by the Mandalorians, for instance..."

Bastila had heard plenty of discussions about this herself. "You think the Jedi should get involved?"

"Yes, and the Council doesn't agree." He broke off a stalk of grass and twisted it in his hands. "I met with them on Coruscant to discuss it. I reminded them that we're supposed to consider all life sacred, and asked them if they consider these people to be a lower form of life because they're outside the Republic's jurisdiction." He grimaced. "That didn't go down too well, as you can imagine."

"But I thought they said it was too dangerous..."

"Dangerous?" He looked around at her sharply, his face darkening with anger. "Don't you think it's dangerous to sit there and let the Mandalorians increase their strength until they're ready to attack the Republic?" Suddenly his voice was laden with venom. "They're like cancer cells, Bastila. You've got to risk the operation or they'll spread, and devour everything and end up killing you anyway. You've got to wipe them out before it's too late –" The blade of grass snapped in his hands, and she stared at him in dismay, startled by the sudden flash of hatred in his eyes.

"Revan, you shouldn't talk about people as if they were a disease!" she protested, almost frightened. "Didn't you just say that we're supposed to hold all life sacred?"

"What?" For a moment he looked astonished at being challenged, then his expression changed to one of annoyance. "Look, Bastila, I don't think you're really in a position to lecture me about what I should or shouldn't say. You're hardly more than a child, after all –"

She turned away from him, bitterly hurt, trying to conceal how much his words had stung. "If I'm just a child then why are you even bothering to talk to me about it?"

He sighed heavily, suddenly looking very tired. "Look, I'm sorry," he replied, in a somewhat calmer voice. "I didn't mean to say that, I really didn't. But listen, Bastila, you have such a sheltered life here, you just don't have any idea... If you'd seen some of the things I have..." He shook his head and fell silent, rubbing one of his hands across his forehead.

Bastila turned back and looked at him, shocked by the distress in his voice. "Revan, I'm sorry. I didn't realise..." Instinctively she laid a hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. He did not react, and continued to gaze into the flowing water, lost in his own thoughts.

They sat there, motionless, until the sun began to sink towards the horizon. Eventually Revan took her hand, squeezed it, and then stood up abruptly. "Come on, we'd better get back to the enclave before people start wondering what we're up to." He helped her to her feet, and they slowly made their way back towards the enclave.

**........**

"Well, you certainly seem very friendly with Revan," remarked Velda as Bastila walked into the recreation room where some of her friends were gathered, still thinking about what Revan had said to her. "Just what were you two doing out there all that time?"

"What? Oh, don't be ridiculous." Bastila rolled her eyes.

"Ridiculous?" Velda smiled slyly. "Come on, I've seen the way you look at him. You blatantly have a crush on him, Bastila."

"Well, doesn't everyone?" called out one of the others. There was a chorus of giggles.

Bastila reddened and turned to them in exasperation. "I do _not_ have a... a _crush_ on Revan!" she hissed. "Look, he used to help me with my lessons when I was younger, all right? That's all. We're just friends." The laughter was even louder this time.

"'Friends'. Right," smirked Velda. "Please tell us about it, Bastila... Do you think he returns your affections?"

With an effort, she kept her voice calm. "No, I don't think he returns my affections, because I don't _have_ any affections for him to return! And even if I did, I'm sure he wouldn't care. He's six years older than I am, what could he possibly want with me?"

"Oh, come on," scoffed Velda. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

This was too much for Bastila. Blushing furiously, she stormed out of the room. Running footsteps followed her as she marched down the corridor, and she turned to see her friend Liane coming up behind her.

"Bastila, you shouldn't let things get to you so much," she pleaded. "You know what Velda's like. Why do you always let her get under your skin like that?"

Bastila thought about her friend's words as she walked towards her room. She had always been overly sensitive to teasing - the Masters had warned her about it again and again – but she had believed herself to have got the better of such emotions, by and large. So why was it that Velda's comments had annoyed her so much?

The thought stole treacherously into her mind: could it be that there was any truth in what Velda had said? She shook her head; it was ridiculous. Of course she didn't have a crush on Revan. Just because he was good-looking, and powerful, and she felt a slight flutter in her stomach every time she thought of him, and... oh, _no_...

She groaned, flinging herself down onto her bed. Of all the people to have a crush on, why did it have to be _him_? She could imagine how he would laugh at her if he ever found out... could he have guessed already? She thought back to her flustered reaction when she had first seen him. Yes, surely he must have noticed something – especially given the Force connection between them. How very, very stupid he must think her...

She lay back on her pillow, wondering what to do. Jedi were not supposed to have such thoughts; the tenets of the Order strictly forbade romantic relationships, especially between fellow Jedi. She briefly considered going to her Master for advice, before deciding that it would simply be too embarrassing. No, she would simply have to try and rid her mind of any such ideas. She closed her eyes in meditation, trying to sink into the Force and empty her mind of any and all thoughts. Especially thoughts of Revan.

Oh, _damn_...

For the rest of Revan's stay she avoided him as much as possible, afraid that her behaviour would give away her feelings if she were to speak to him. The evening before he was due to leave, however, she was reading in her room when she heard a soft knock on the door. She opened it, and her heart skipped a beat as she perceived Revan standing in front of her.

"Hello, Bastila," he said before she had a chance to speak. "I'm sorry to disturb you; I just wanted to say goodbye." He looked worried for a moment. "You're not still upset about what I said to you last week, are you?"

"Oh... no, of course not." She relaxed a little; he must think that was why she had been avoiding him. "Well, goodbye then, Revan." She was about to bow when she remembered that he didn't like it; instead, feeling a little awkward, she held out a hand.

"Goodbye." He took her hand and, to her astonishment, gently pressed it to his lips. Then he smiled at her, and before she could react he was briskly walking off down the corridor, his robe streaming behind him.

Bastila was still gaping after him, her face burning, when she heard a faint, mocking laugh behind her. She swung round to see Velda standing in her doorway, eyebrows raised. The girl smiled knowingly at Bastila, then turned back into her room and closed the door behind her.

**........**

The year afterwards, the Mandalorians launched their assault on the Republic.

The news that the Jedi Council had decided not to lend their support to the military effort split the Order in two. While the majority of the Jedi Masters agreed with the decision, arguing out that the Order had been too badly weakened after the war with Exar Kun, many of the younger Jedi were utterly furious. They argued that the Jedi had sworn to protect the Republic, and that to abandon it now would be tantamount to treason. Others pointed out that if the Republic fell to the Mandalorians, the Jedi were unlikely to last much longer.

In the midst of the heated debate, the news broke like a bombshell: the Jedi Knight Revan, whose fame was spreading rapidly throughout the galaxy, was to lead his own army against the Mandalorians in direct defiance of the Council's orders. Malak was quick to declare his support for his old friend, and soon the Republic's airwaves rang with the speech Revan had given on Coruscant, imploring other Jedi to come and aid him in his quest. Charismatic and passionate, he soon had thousands of recruits flocking to join him – among them Padawans, Knights and even Masters.

Bastila watched the proceedings with increasing concern. Unlike many others, who scoffed at the idea of a 22-year-old upstart like Revan as a military leader, she did not doubt his ability to lead an army. But she was troubled by the Council's warnings of the dangers that lurked in unknown space beyond the Outer Rim, and she felt an inexplicable sense of foreboding when she thought of Revan venturing out there. Velda felt differently; despite her youth and her Master's pleas, she was determined to join Revan's army. She had just turned 18, and there was little anyone could do to stop her.

When Revan came to Dantooine looking for recruits, Bastila again contrived to stay out of his way. Once, however, she saw him in the distance talking to Velda, and suddenly felt a completely irrational stab of jealousy. After a while he looked over at her, but she quickly turned and walked away, pretending not to have seen him.

Later that day she saw Velda again. "Not coming to join us, Bastila?" she asked, a curious smile on her face.

Bastila shook her head uncomfortably. "I don't think it's a good idea, Velda. We've had so little training and besides, we're too young..."

Velda raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "Well, _you _may be." She walked away.

**........**

The years went by, and the war slowly began to turn in the Republic's favour. Revan and Malak were winning victory after victory, rising quickly through the ranks of the Republic's military forces. Revan in particular was proving to be a brilliant tactician, capable of outmanoeuvring even the best of the Mandalorians, and even the Council started to wonder if their fears had been unfounded.

Bastila, however, soon had other things to think about. Leafing one day through a book on advanced Force techniques, she came upon a description of a powerful ability known as Battle Meditation. Normally achievable only after years of training, it could be used to strengthen the will and resolve of combatants in a battle, from a single fighter to – in the case of the most powerful Jedi – an entire army. And as she read the description of how Jedi could channel the Force through themselves to give renewed strength to their allies and sap that of their opponents, she came to a sudden realisation...

Hestra was skeptical when her Padawan showed her the book and timidly explained that she thought she might be capable of Battle Meditation. When Bastila demonstrated her abilities during a pre-arranged duel, she changed her mind. The young girl was taken to Coruscant and subjected to weeks of testing and exercises, carefully scrutinised by members of the High Council. After a long discussion, the Council announced that she was to be trained in Battle Meditation.

Despite this, they were keen to keep her away from the front lines of the war, at least for the moment. The training was long, difficult and emotionally draining, and the use of such enormous amounts of Force energy could be extremely dangerous for anyone who did not know how to control it properly. Besides, Bastila was still a Padawan, and her Master did not consider her ready to face the trials. "She still needs to learn to control her emotions better," explained Hestra to the Council. "The last thing we need is for her to fall to the Dark Side."

Bastila spent nearly a year training in different parts of the galaxy. She learnt quickly – so quickly that her Master became worried that she was overstretching herself. After her 20th birthday, Hestra insisted that she return to Dantooine to take a break from her training.

When she finally arrived back on Dantooine, Bastila suddenly understood how Revan had felt all those years ago. It was such a relief to be able to rest, to forget about all her duties and responsibilities, if only for a couple of months. She had missed her friends, and the familiar surroundings of the Academy; here, she finally felt that she was back home.

**........**

It was night, a night that would haunt her for years afterwards. For some reason she was having trouble sleeping; she felt restless, and even meditation did not help her to calm herself. Finally she lay back and gazed up at the ceiling, hoping that she would eventually drop off to sleep if she stopped trying to think about it.

Suddenly she sat bolt upright. She had felt a disturbance, a distinct tremor in the Force... She turned on the lamp beside her bed and stood up, shivering a little in the cool breeze that drifted through from the open window. Pulling her robe around her, she crept to the door and listened. Was that the faint sound of footsteps she could hear in the distance?

Yes, definitely footsteps, slowly making their way down the corridor towards her room. And now she could feel it through the Force, an immense presence – whether hostile or not, she couldn't tell – gradually drawing closer and closer. She shuddered, and wrapped her robe more tightly around her.

The footsteps were very close now. They slowed slightly as they approached, and then ceased altogether, seemingly just outside her door. There was silence for a moment, and a sudden, unbearable tension, as if something was hesitating...

Unable to bear the suspense any longer, she summoned all her courage and flung open the door. What she saw almost made her cry out in terror. In front of her stood a tall figure, cloaked entirely in a black, hooded robe – except for a hideous red mask which covered its face. The apparition's hand was raised in the air, as if it had been about to knock on the door.

Her saber flew into her hand in the space of an eyeblink. Before she even had a chance to ignite it, however, the figure grabbed her by the wrist. "_It's me, you idiot!_" The voice, even behind the mask, was unmistakable.

"_Revan?_" She stared, frozen in shock, as the figure pulled down the hood and removed the mask to reveal the face of her old friend. Suddenly the power of movement returned to her and she grabbed his sleeve, pulling him inside the door and quickly shutting it behind them. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?" she hissed, her relief at seeing him rapidly turning to anger.

"What, on Dantooine?" He pulled off his cloak, and she was relieved to see that he still wore his Jedi robes underneath. "Well, actually I – no, it doesn't matter. I came _here_ to see you."

She glared at him, still furious. "And you couldn't come in the _day_ like a normal person, rather than creeping around in the middle of the night dressed as a Sith Lord?"

He shook his head, and she noticed for the first time that his face, while as handsome as ever, looked pale and strained. "I'm not supposed to be here, Bastila. No one even knows I'm on Dantooine, except Malak. I didn't want anyone to recognise me if they saw me..."

"Well, good job making yourself look inconspicuous." She sank down onto her bed, still feeling somewhat shaky. "Why did you want to see me, anyway?"

He relaxed a little. "Well, I know this isn't exactly the best time or place to ask, but I'd like you to come and help us defeat the Mandalorians."

She stared at him. "Why? Why now? I thought you were winning."

"We are winning." He sighed, suddenly looking a lot older than his twenty-six years. "But the Mandalorians are getting desperate – they know it's the beginning of the end for them, and they're throwing everything they've got at us. I'm losing a lot of men." Suddenly he looked directly into her eyes. "We could really do with your help, Bastila. I've heard about your Battle Meditation – you could save so many lives..."

"Oh." She looked down, her heart sinking. "Revan, I... I'm very sorry, but I really can't. It's too dangerous –"

"Dangerous?" He blinked in surprise, misunderstanding her. "Look, Bastila, I won't let anything happen to you. You wouldn't even have to go near the front lines –"

"I'm not a coward, Revan!" She was indignant. "What I meant is that I haven't finished my training. The Council would never hear of it. Besides, Master Hestra tells me I still have to beware of the Dark Side –" He snorted. "It's not something to be taken lightly, Revan! You should be more careful!"

"Oh, don't you start on about the Dark Side as well!" he burst out. "Honestly, you're as bad as the Council! I hardly think I need advice on the Dark Side from a Padawan, thank you very much!"

Suddenly she was angry. Who did he think he was, talking to her as if she were still a child? "No, I suppose you don't. You seem to be doing a good job of discovering it for yourself –" She regretted the words the instant they left her mouth.

"_Oh_. Oh, I see." He folded his arms in front of him. "You think I'm falling to the Dark Side, is that it?"

"No, I – look, Revan, I didn't mean it like that." She felt close to tears. "It's just that... you've taken on such a reponsibility, Revan. It's too much for anyone, even you..."

"Well, someone had to do it," he muttered. "And since the Council refused, who else was there?" Suddenly his face was wracked with exhaustion. He flopped down onto the bed, bent forward, as if crushed under some invisible weight. "Oh, Bastila..."

Her heart ached as she looked at him, and suddenly she badly wished that she could take her words back. "I'm sorry I said that, Revan. I really am." There was a long, awkward silence. Finally he sighed, looked up and gave her a weak smile, which she returned.

"Why do we always end up fighting like this whenever we meet?" he asked plaintively.

She laughed, feeling a little more comfortable. "Well, if you will insist on taking offence every time I give you some friendly advice..." He snorted, but declined to comment.

Suddenly a thought struck her. "Revan, how did you find out about my Battle Meditation? I didn't think the Council had told many other people."

He waved a hand vaguely. "I have ways of finding things out. I heard you were being trained... and then I thought..." He paused for a moment. "That fight I had with Guun Han Saresh all those years ago. You remember?" She nodded. "I always thought there was something strange about that. It _was_ you helping me, wasn't it?"

What was the point in denying it now? "Yes, it was me."

"I knew it!" For a moment his eyes lit up in triumph. "And you never let on, either... What a strange child you were, Bastila." He shook his head, looking faintly amused. "You'd have done anything for me back then, wouldn't you?"

She laughed again. "Yes, I suppose I would. But I'm not a child any more, Revan..."

"No. No, you're not." He looked up at her and smiled. "You're a woman. A beautiful woman."

Her face flushed and she looked away, embarrassed. "Revan, don't say that."

"Why not? You are beautiful." He reached out and touched the side of her face, gently brushing her cheek with his fingers. Her skin tingled at his touch, and she felt a curious sensation in the pit of her stomach, a mixture of fear and pleasure.

She turned her face away slightly. "Revan, you mustn't..." He lowered his hand to his side and turned away, looking faintly disappointed.

"I see." He was silent for a moment; then suddenly, to her amazement, he smirked. "Your friend Velda was a lot more accommodating than you are, you know that?"

She gasped with fury. Her hand lashed out at his face before she even realised what she was doing, but it never connected. He seized her arm and forced it down to her side, pulling her against him. "Hey, calm down," he murmured into her ear. "Of course I didn't do anything with Velda, you stupid woman. I just wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of you." He smiled down into her angry face. "So you _do_ feel something for me. Come with me, Bastila."

"Revan, you –" She struggled angrily, but he only held her more tightly. It was no use, she realised; he was a lot stronger than her, and she had no desire to use the Force against him. "Please let go of me," she whispered, trying to keep her voice from trembling.

"I mean it, Bastila." Suddenly his face was deadly serious. "Come with me. Help us defeat the Mandalorians." His voice grew softer. "If anyone can stop me from falling to the Dark Side, it's you..."

"You know I can't." Her voice was almost pleading. "You know it's impossible..."

He slid his fingers through her hair, gently tilting her face towards his, and she felt a shiver run through her whole body. "Why?" he whispered. "Why is it impossible?"

"I've told you. The Council..."

"Sod the Council." His lips were perilously close to hers, she could feel his breath against her cheek. She could almost taste the power of the Force that swirled around him, and suddenly she felt a longing that nearly overwhelmed her. Wild thoughts ran through her mind: she could run away with him, flee on board his ship; she could fight alongside him, and keep him from the Dark Side... But as she gazed up at him she could see the dark fire that blazed in the depths of his eyes, and she knew in her heart that he was too strong, that if he fell he would drag her down with him –

"_What_ is going on here?" The icy voice cut through her thoughts. Revan let go of her so suddenly that she almost fell backwards. Standing in the doorway was Shaela Nur, a young Knight who slept in the room next to Bastila; her face was white with anger. "Revan, what are you doing here?"

To Bastila's surprise, Revan remained calm. "Hello, Shaela," he said quietly. "Long time no see."

"I asked you a question, Revan."

"Well, if you want to know, I was asking Bastila to join the fight against the Mandalorians." He turned to her. "Isn't that right, Bastila?"

"I _see_." Shaela's voice dripped with sarcasm. "And is this the usual way you get recruits for your army? Seek out Padawans and try to seduce them?" She shook her head. "I'm amazed at you, Revan. Defying the Council is one thing, but I never thought you'd sink as low as this."

His voice was smooth as silk. "Bastila happens to be a friend of mine."

She snorted. "Oh yes, very 'friendly' you looked there. I suppose you realise that if I tell the Council about this you'll be thrown out of the Order?"

"Why don't you do that, Shaela." She looked at him in surprise. "And while we're there we can discuss your 'friendship' with Duron Qel-Droma, perhaps?"

She reddened, temporarily silenced. Revan bent over and picked up his cloak and mask. "Well, I'm afraid I don't have all night to talk." He turned to Bastila. "Are you coming, Bastila?"

Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "I'm sorry, Revan."

"I see," he said coldly. "Well, then, I guess we probably won't be seeing each other again." He stepped towards the door, pulling his cloak around him. "May the Force be with you, Bastila." His voice rang with bitterness.

"May the Force be with you," she murmured, but he was gone.

She stood there for a moment, motionless, staring after him. Tears stung her eyes and she realised that she was shaking. Shaela put an arm around her. "Are you all right, Padawan?"

"Yes, I... I'm fine..." She turned to the older girl. "Shaela, please don't tell the Council about this. I don't want to get Revan thrown out of the Order..."

Shaela threw up her hands in exasperation. "Fine. Fine, I won't tell anyone." She sighed. "If Revan's determined to fall to the Dark Side, I doubt even the Council could stop him. Anyway, I'm going back to bed." She swept out of the door. "Goodnight, Bastila."

Bastila lay down on her bed, exhausted. The tears were coming faster now, streaming down her cheeks, and she buried her face in her pillow to stifle a sob. Suddenly she realised just how close she had come to abandoning everything she had – her Master, her friends, her training – for a dangerously uncertain future.

_"If Revan's determined to fall to the Dark Side..."_ She shuddered and curled herself up tightly, pulling the covers around her. How could she have allowed herself to become so infatuated? Now she saw why love was forbidden, why they had constantly warned her to be on guard against her emotions. A Jedi could not allow herself to feel these things, it was too dangerous...

From now on, she resolved, she would follow the Code to the letter. _There is no emotion, there is peace..._ She would never allow any man, any other person, to affect her like that again. _There is no passion, there is serenity..._ As for Revan, she would forget him. She _had _to forget him.

If only she could stop wishing that he had kissed her...


End file.
